Dear refugees, dear hosts...

Porto       Photography: Tobi.P

Lets say;

One day i´m home minding my own business when the door rings. Opening the door i find a strange guy and a little girl on my door steps.

"Hallo madam, the stranger says to me. "My home has been totally destroyed by very evil men. They even killed my wife and my son in the process. My daughter and i have nothing left, no where to go and we don´t know what to do. Would you mind if we stayed with you for a while until our home is safe again?

Me, totally touched to tears by the fate of this man and his daughter i say: "So sorry to hear that, what are your names?"

"My name is Ken and my daughter is Cate, we come from the Moi street." They tell me.


[I need to know who i let into my house, i need them to identify themselves because it could be anyone...]


I realize the little girl is shaking , maybe she is cold, maybe she is afraid.

So i say to them; " please, come in." I take their coats and offer them house shoes. "Put on the house shoes, here we don´t step on the carpet with street shoes since we have a toddler who is crawling around eating everything he finds."

[I need to tell them how things are done in my house, or how else are they supposed to know?]

"Please have a sit, can i offer you something to drink? " i ask them

"I would like some strawberry fanta for my daughter and a tusker for me." the man answers

"Oh, so sorry" i say "we just have sparkling water, coke and a bottle of Warsteiner alcohol-free"

[I can just offer that which i have, and that which i can]

They take some water and some coke and they are very happy.

When dinner is served, i stop them from starting to eat. I take time to tell them that here we pray before we eat.

[I have to tell them my house rules, without rules things get chaotic]

My 3 roomed home is not all that big for me, my husband and our two kids, but i offer them my well furnished basement to stay as long as their stay takes. Which is better than sleeping on the sofa i guess. 

[I could, but i will not put my kids into the basement to offer the kids bedroom to the visitors, because its my choice]


The next day i take time to talk to my visitors. I get to know Ken and Cate. Their fears, their wishes, their plans. They tell me about the wife and the son, about how much the daughter loves painting, how good the man can cook and how they like traveling. 
If the stay is longer, i give them tasks that they can do around the house. Vacuum cleaning, cooking etc. This keeps them busy and helps us all at the same time. I teach them new things to help them be independent one day.

These people have already hit rock-bottom. They can not fall any deeper. They need help and support not a kick in the crotch. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would want people to treat you.

Our visitors come with us to church on Sunday, they accompany us when we visit friends, they make the beds when they wake-up, they put out the light when they are not in the room and i warn them when they use dirty language. Our visitors have to adapt to our way of living, not we to theirs.
 


You know what?, if Ken wakes up one day and thinks: "Oh hell no! I´m tired of staying in the basement and these rules are too much for me. I don´t feel like keeping any of them." Then with all the respect, just as he had just appeared at my door, he can leave through the same door anytime he wants. Its that simple!

This a topic that i can not ignore. It concerns each and everyone of us either as a guest or as a visitor. When i discuss this with friends, we end up concluding that there is too much ignorance in the society. Most people don´t know what to do. Someone must tell them, we say.

Today i decided to be the person to tell.

If you are guest, you have to respect the ways of your host. You don´t have to agree with them but you have to respect them. You can not demand anything, but just appreciate what you get. Try and help whenever you can. As a host, respect and support your guests, show them how you do things and make sure they know your rules.

Living together can be so easy!

Lots of luv
ItsRose_Beth